If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
