Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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