RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
