I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
