There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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