just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
