Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
