R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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