so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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