On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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