DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
