he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
