have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
