No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
