I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
