Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
