ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
