Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Randomize
