he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
