I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
