My nipple is on Facebook.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
In America we eat man semen.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
