Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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