Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
