if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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