Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
