I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Randomize
