ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
