You made me cry and you don't even care
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
