I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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