She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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