a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
