I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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