Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
