Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
