Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
