wake up i wanna do it froggy style
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
