Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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