hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
i think my cat just said my name.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
