Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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