No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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