And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
