i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
