You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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