I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
