I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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