Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
