I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
