I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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