My hair reeks of homosexuality.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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