you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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