I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
