I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
